“I’m not in love with you anymore”
If you hear these words, a big warning bell should go off. This is one of the most consistent things a cheating spouse will say. Your spouse may have a deep, loving bond with you but, intense feelings of passion can override the bond with you and cause your spouse to lose sight of his/her true feelings. The cheating spouse will develop what can be viewed as hormone – induced amnesia. The surging hormones and passion they feel in their new relationship can cause some a very skewed way of thinking. Think back to Crazy high school type love hate relationships.
“We are just friends”
This is also another very predictable statement that will come from a cheating spouse. If your spouse is spending more and more time with this new “friend” then there is probably more to it than mere friendship. Your cheating spouse may feel they have a lot in common with this person that this person understands them and things they are going through. Whatever the reasons for the friendship, it’s a big warning sign and one you should take seriously.
A sudden need for privacy
If things the two of you used to share openly suddenly become private pay attention cause something is probably up. He/she may start password protecting computer activity. Cell phone and credit card bills may be hidden. If you ask why or attempt to find out information that used to be common knowledge between the two of you, you will be accused of snooping or trying to control your spouse. Big warning sign!
“I need some space to figure my feelings for you”
Men and women who are involved with someone else will request more space, time alone or away from the family. They may say it is due to confusion over their feelings or stress at work. This can be a sign that there is someone else and the spouse is trying to figure out ways to have more freedom.
Regular work habits change
Working late, going to work at odd hours or, putting in more time than is normal on work related issues can be indications that a spouse is cheating.
Spending a large amount of time on the computer
In today’s world, with modern technology, a person looking for an affair doesn’t even have to leave their home. The ease of internet chat rooms, online dating sites and secret email accounts has caused an alarming increase in emotional affairs. If your spouse is online more than usual, hanging out in chat rooms and visiting pornographic websites then you have reason to be alarmed.
Secretive phone calls and more time spent on the phone
Emotional affairs occur primarily via the phone, especially cell phones. If you find your spouse hanging up suddenly when you enter the room or erasing the history on the cell phone and becoming defensive when asked about it, then you might want to check your phone records.
Behavior that just doesn’t add up
Not being where he/she was expected to be. Missing time they can’t explain. Money that isn’t accounted for. Receipts for things you don’t have. Missing clothing. Clothing that does not belong to your family. Being caught in little lies about the details of the day.
Your own fears and suspicions
If you find yourself looking for excuses for cheating spouse’s behavior or trying to convince yourself that they would never cheat then that is a warning sign. Your intuition is frequently one of the best indicators that something is wrong. If you suspect your spouse might be cheating on you, do some investigating and then talk to him/her about what you’ve found. Do it in a way that is calm and courteous. Ask for honesty. Be prepared for lies. It is a sad fact that people having affairs become excellent liars. People who never told a lie before in their lives. Trust your gut instinct but get hard, cold proof also.
Here are a few more Signs
- A cheater does not share his or her day with you – he or she seems more closed and distant.
- There are changes to a cheating spouse’s work schedule – either starting earlier, ending later or has new demands such as dinners, late meetings etc.
- Most cheaters have taken up new interests and/or hobbies that are surprisingly uncharacteristic of him or her.
- A cheating spouse has taken a sudden interest in his or her appearance – new and different types of clothing, hairstyle or weight loss
- A cheating spouse has started to use or has changed his or her perfume/after shave
- A cheating spouse leaves the room to receive calls on his or her cell phone, nor will they lose sight of the phone even when going to the restroom.
- When they get mysterious phone calls or when they hurry to answer the phone, leave the room to talk on the phone and when you ask who called, they say, “No one”, “Wrong number”, or “Why do you care?” You might have a cheating spouse.
- When you walk by a cheating spouse while he or she is on the computer, the program window is immediately change or closed
- Your cheating spouse has begun the habit of showering immediately upon coming home
- Most of the time a cheating spouse is evasive when asked about his or her whereabouts and/or activities during the day – your spouse provides vague responses explaining why he or she is late
- A cheating spouse will become uncharacteristically argumentative or critical with no apparent cause such as work, financial or health stressors.
- When you notice an increase in ATM withdrawals. Cheating costs money!